according to my junk email, i am a very fat (“See Jennifer to drop as much weight as you possibly can! Try TriSlim!”) older gentleman with erectile dysfunction (“Rock her world with your huge member viagra”) who needs a date (“Meet your Match!”), a cash advance (“60 seconds process! SuperFastPayAdvance”), an education (“New online diploma for you”) and a new career (“Help solve crimes: Jennifer is it in your DNA?”).

i won’t let it go to my head.

meanwhile, LA is burning: