photography by theresa dill.
there are some things you can do something about. like, you can take a shower. or you can change your laundry detergent if you find it unsatisfactory. but god help you if you try to be what you are not, or stop being what you are. actually god cant help you then, because you are so against god at that point you might be beyond helping. believe me, i know. stick with changing your detergent, it’ll go better, and next time you do the laundry you will be pleased and
still what you are.
take this for instance: i thought to apply for a day job recently, which i think of when i think i cant stand any more goddamn poverty/uncertainty/sorrow, somehow thinking i could do that, even though in my whole life ive never been normal and have no plans to be. it doesnt mean i dont envy normal people, the kind of people who can actually pull off a job that goes from the same hours to the same hours and you go to the same place like a big building and you are called something and its on your office door they know you and you wear things they would expect you to wear: this i envy hugely. like also, people who have lived in the same house forever, and it has all their things in it and they know where everything is and it would be a huge shock if anything got moved. or lost. or caught on fire or something. i really envy those people, but i know that in spite of occasionally trying to be like them, i never will be. it just isnt in the cards.
but you know those kids books, where the dinosaur family or the rhino kids get up on a school day and their mom has packed up their lunches or whatever, and they go off to school and everything seems about alright, except one of the dino babies has three heads. and it’s very noticeable. you know, three heads
. and the school children–because children are hugely intelligent -sonically, intuitively, kinesthetically, clairvoyantly- tease and point it out but painfully. here it is: if you do have three heads, and if you are any kind of creative artist you do
, get used to it. relax. do not apply for the jobs that other people do very, very well: you will only frighten the customers and no one will write your music.